I’m reading more of Daring Greatly this morning and it’s about shame – we all experience it when we don’t meet the cultural ‘list’. Women are expected to have these attributes which by the way are unattainable:
– Be perfect but don’t make a fuss about it.
– Don’t upset anyone or hurt anyone’s feelings, but say whats on your mind.
– Dial the sexuality way up (after the kids are down, the dog is walked, the house is clean), but dial it way down at the PTO
– Just be yourself, but not if it means being shy or unsure.
– Don’t make people feel uncomfortable, but be honest.
– Don’t get too emotional, but don’t be too detached either.
We judge others in the area we ourselves feel the most shame – for women that’s appearance. We’ve all seen it or caught ourselves doing it. As Brene Brown says, “The solution to being stuck in shame is not to denigrate others stuck just like us, but to join hands and pull free together… There is a quiet transformation happening that is moving us from ‘turning on each other’ to turning toward each other.”
We need to share our shame stories (with those who have earned our trust) over those unrealistic pressures to be perfect because we are stronger together.